A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” showed that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their level of “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier levels of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. The reason being mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an inevitable portion of life’s journey. In the love where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye collectively. Imagine this type of instance, once your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your companion says and does (through your ensuing reaction).
Anger is definitely an immediate response and bitterness will be the path; These emotions call forth reactions instead of principled responses. So many regrettable thoughts and actions happen in such moments. I once did a talk inside a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester even after brittle bones have already been healed. There was a songwriter from the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to holding this negativity, you can consciously choose to behave differently. Let’s look at it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment if you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you’re able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Remember that you don’t need to be physically or even verbally abusive to be violent. Even thoughts may be destructive, especially since they’re inadvertently reflected within our attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you are going to become withdrawn and demanding within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, you will want to strike in the event the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool off and funky off, and share how you feel and thoughts if you are ready and so are effective at clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any kind signifies that you might be identified together with the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t begin to see the other human being anymore, however only your personal concept of that human being. To cut back the aliveness of someone else human being into a concept is already a sort of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Imagine that you are well on a sailboat from the ocean, and navigating these waves will be the lifetime of life. No matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off course sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors recognize that sometimes a good thing you can do-or the one thing you can do-is to merely ride your storm. Allow the feelings blow through you after which pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s only a cascade of chemicals, you understand, according to fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you noticed that it’s much better to stay afloat whenever you relax your body instead of whenever you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown within their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with these mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now I want only observe it. Now Let me hold on and survive.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind to stay far better analyze the storm, and to determine what caused it. You can also uncover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance have you notice?
What helped you survive? How will you choose this transition easier later on?
Utilize storm just as one opportunity to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. First and foremost, remember that storms certainly are a portion of life, however, you contain the capability to navigate your path through them. You’ll always return to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the road; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is definitely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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